No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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