I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
