Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
