I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
