So drunk its hurt
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
