Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i love accidental penises.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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