Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
