So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
