Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
