Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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