um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
