Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
