There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
