True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
