awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
