WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
