I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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