So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
