You're completely useless in the revolution.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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