Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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