Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Alive.
So much puke
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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