The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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