Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
