I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
