I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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