So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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