Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
