Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
