I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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