Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Green mimosas i think yes
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
