Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
