Your face is a jimmy john
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
