My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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