i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
