i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
