kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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