I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
