Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
