just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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