you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
