Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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