I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
