Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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