I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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