All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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