Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
