I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
