Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
