so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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