My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
