what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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