i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize