take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
