Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
