umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We had to coat check the pizza.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
