sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
