If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
