new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
