i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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