i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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