I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
