you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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