so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
