you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
