you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
