If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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